Grandmother name-picking is harder than it looks

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There’s a lot to be said for picking out names. Whether naming a child or a dog or a pet goldfish, names matter—you wouldn’t name a goldfish “Fluffy” would you?  Right or wrong, names elicit feelings and judgments and conjecture long before we get to know someone.

Which is why Hannah and I have always approached conversations about best grandmother names with a great deal of thought. And it’s likely no surprise that I have strong opinions on matriarchal titles.

The conversation usually begins with a run-through of the list of usual suspects—Granny, Grandma, Mamaw, Mimi, Gigi, Nan, Nana, Oma, and so forth—and I’m quick to criticize each one. As is Hannah.

Not because they aren’t good names. They just don’t suit me. Plus which, they are predominantly being used by every grandparent I know. God forbid I have the same title as all my Facebook friends, right?

In all honesty, I want a cool name like GranMary, which was the name my Aunt Mary chose when her grandkids were born. As far as I’m concerned, it’s a perfect grandmother name. And if my name was Mary, you can bet I’d choose that name, too. But it isn’t.

As my super cool grandmother name continues to elude us, we research the names for grandmothers around the world. There’s Yaya and Baba and Babushka, and Sophia, which would’ve been good if my name was Sophia.

Which begs the question: Would it have been too much for Mom and Dad to think through these sorts of things when they named me? To look into the future and predict that that this would be an issue at some point? I think not. But I digress.

Next up, we run down a list of popular southern names that we poo-poo in short order. Bunny, Cookie, Lovie, and Mamoo weren’t even close to cutting it. Frankly, I was concerned that these names were even in the running.

Ordinarily, this is where we’d throw up our hands in defeat. But as fate would have it, the stork has scheduled a stop at Hannah and Adam’s house on or around Valentine’s Day of 2019. Call me crazy, but we better get a move on. Then again, Crazy probably isn’t the best grandmother name either. We’ll keep looking.

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